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2013-06-22

SSSS: Super Secret Sexy Spy Review


Title: Nakadashi Spy no Sounyuu Sousa -Shikyuu no Heiwa wa Ore ga Mamoru!-
Original title: 中出しスパイの挿入捜査 -子宮の平和は俺が守る!-
Alias: SSSS: Super Secret Sexy Spy
Release date: 2010-10-22
English release date: 2013-04-03
Developer: Softhouse-Seal
English publisher: MangaGamer

Why is it that after playing "Super Secret Sexy Spy" I hear a tune in my head? A tune that sounds suspiciously like AVGN theme song - you know, the one about playing shitty games that suck ass... Must be a completely unfounded coincidence.

The game starts with our protagonist Iiyama Hunt in pursuit of a criminal - a peeping tom - disturbing the female citizens of the glorious nation of Nippon. As the culprit is way too fast and is about to get away, Mr. Hunt throws himself onto the path of an upcoming car in order to requisition it for the greater good. However, upon seeing that the car is being driven by a hot housewife, he starts boinking her instead... No, really, he has a legitimate reason to do that - upon seeing the public intercourse going on in the middle of the street, the peeping tom will return to watch and then he will be apprehended. It's logical. That was the moment I realized I had a real winner on my hands. If that is a winner of the best or the worst game contest is a completely different matter.
God dammit! Those CIA guys surely lead a fun life.
Our protagonist is one Iiyama Hunt and he works for a secret governmental organization FAPPS (Federal Association of Pussy Protective Services). I never got a clear indication of what this ridiculously sounding organization does, but mainly it deals with perverts, helps relieve the boredom of neglected wives, induces pregnancies and maps the sexual behaviour of various citizen groups. Hmmm... I think I need a little help here; I believe someone has stolen my suspension of disbelief threshold. This is such a ridiculous premise that even SDT and "Boob Wars" look like pinnacles of sanity against that. And yes, those two were fundamentally better games as I found SSSS to be boring as fuck (not that fuck is boring).

OK, let's get all the shittyness cleared. The soundtrack sucks, though it's no better or worse than in the aforementioned other games from "Softhouse-Seal". It consists of the same few tracks looping over and over again ad infinitum. Oh, and S-S should take care of that annoying pause when the loop ends - it just doesn't look professional. I personally do not really like the art in any of the S-S games and SSSS is no exception, though there is nothing inherently bad with it. It just looks like it was drawn by two siblings staying in their parents' garage while drinking beer. Not that this approach can not produce masterpieces. (After all Clive Barker edited "Hellraiser" over a weekend while being as drunk as a skunk.) The voice acting is done by absolute nobodies and is not memorable in any way. "Wait" you will say now. "But this is exactly the same as SDT or "Boob Wars" - what makes this game worse? Well, I'm glad you asked.
"Custer's Revenge" you mean?
To a certain extent I liked the "plot" and the heroines in those other two games, and the gameplay elements surely helped. With SSSS I couldn't enjoy "plot" at all. While "Super Secret Sexy Spy" presents itself as a comedy and a parody of the superspy genre, it's decidedly unfunny. Hunt tries so hard to be humorous but it all flops miserably. The game peppers itself with loads of cultural references to various movies and games but that doesn't add anything. I also wonder if those references are the same as in the original or if the translator simply made some shit up to cover for the things that would be unrecognizable to the Occidental audience. I for once am really dubious if there was really a jab at the best game of all times - "Max Payne" - in the original.

There is absolutely no gameplay whatsoever either. It's a simple visual novel choice system we are so familiar with and it would usually suffice, but you try to seek something more in a bad game. Also the OP shows some cards which was really misleading as I expected card battles a la "Boob Wars". No such luck, aniki!

*sigh* I think it would be a time to introduce you to the heroines, but there is hardly anything to say - they are lifeless and uninteresting. Probably the best of them is a rich ojou-sama Kusakabe Saki with a penchant for BDSM and she is probably the only one that shows distinct personality. It's small wonder that I liked her the best, but sadly all the endings for the heroines are lacking and basically consist of an extended sex scene. I personally would like a non-sex epilogue to give us a deserved "happily ever after". Moreover, Saki's sister Ruri who has DID is also a nice piece of cake, but she is dreadfully underemployed and barely appears in the game at all.
Hit me harder, mistress.
The other main girls are your partner Lestie and your real sister Maimi. For once you are blood related and there is no that convenient "adopted" bullshit, but Maimi herself is very unlikable. Her constant whining "onii" drove me mad. Sadly there was no way in the game to get her killed. Surprisingly for such an unlikable heroine Maimi has probably the best epilogue in the game. Honestly, that was heartwarming. You might (or might not) have noticed that I haven't talked about Lestie at all. Well, there is not much to say - she is boring... Next...

Nanao Nana is a rookie operative of a rival feminazi agency which has an acronym CUMDUMP. No, really, I shit you not, motherscratchers! CUMDUMP seeks to kill all the men in the world, but Nana is not privy to that plan. It's you job to seduce her to your cause of joyous sexual relations. She is pretty bland and frankly I found her a waste of space-time continuum.

Now, the sex is integral in a nukige and this is a nukige, so do the math. Yes, there is lots of it and the scenes are long. Too long. I eventually got bored and started skipping this shit, but let me tell you  - it's not a good fapping material that bores you. There are some exceptional scenes: Saki's domination, Maimi's highway showdown and again Maimi's orange orchard, but those are few and far between. Others just couldn't hold my attention. Oh, let's not forget to mention that the uncensorship job is horrendous and the de-mosaiced genitals look unrealistic and ugly. Joy...
Hunt subscribes to Keiichi Maebara's way of thinking.
As the last point I would like to mention the inconsistencies in translation, which is not very good. There were some grammatical mistakes, but they can be easily overlooked. Other things are more egregious. The translator cannot make up his mind if it is Agency or Association that Iiyama works for. Also, he treats the honorifics very inconsistently - sometimes he translates them, sometimes not and that creates problems. It becomes extremely obvious in Ruri's introduction when her DID starts acting up and using different honorifics. For some fucking reason they were untranslated and the scene is a mess. On the other hand, Maimi's "onii" and Lestie's "Ii-san" are always translated. Go figure.

Oh, well. The whole game is a mess anyway, so it doesn't matter. SSSS is heartily recommended for hard masochists and SS officers as a torture aid. Please, use with caution!
P.S. At least, it's slightly better than "We Love Master!". That is a solace... not.

Links of Interest

Visual Novel Database
Official Japanese site
Buy the official English digital release at MangaGamer
Walkthrough

Final Verdict: 45%

2 comments:

  1. 45%? You're way too generous imho...

    Also, We Love Master is worse? Eheheheh, I have my next VN then...

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    Replies
    1. I'm genorous, because the game is quite short and I managed to finish it before it managed to piss me off badly enough and also, because it didn't particularly offend my sensibilities in any way (if you don't consider killing my brain cells as offending me). After all, I had to leave sufficient room for worse things *shudder*

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